Eulogy - abbreviated version

 

Bertram, known to all as Bert or Bertie. He was the only Bertram I ever knew with a first middle, third and forth name. All Bert. These were given to him by his wife our late beloved Sheila. Dad was often to be found behind and at one with the newspaper and Mom's efforts in attracting his attention were Bert Bert Bert Bert.

 

Raised in the small South African town of Malalan they lead a rural life of a different time and place. We loved hearing the stories of his childhood and this tradition continued with his grandchildren. Dad was a wonderful story teller. He was very close in age to his younger brother Henry and the two were a force. Their entertainment was racing frogs that they had hitched to sardine cans. They played with scorpions. During a pillow fight, Henry's nose had a very small bleed. Henry however systematically dabbed his nose across his pillow till it lookled like a crime scene. Then he called their mother. The next day their exasperated mother marched them off to the local magistrate for a lecture.

 

...You wanna talk passion and expertise. Dad searched for years until he found the perfect kebab recipe on a visit to a farm. He used to spend three days preparing his kebabs. Mom used to flee the kitchen. The coriander had to be freshly ground. The onion rings had to be the perfect size. We regularly set off to beautiful places and Dad built the perfect fire and knew the perfect moment and timing to barbecue the ultimate kebabs. We did learn the finesse of the perfect barbecue but we were often preoccupied chasing monkeys to prevent potato salad pilfering. Dad's kebabs were famous throughout the land or at least among friends and family. This was a much guarded recipe. On his passing we agreed that this would be a wondeful gift from him to you. So if you promise to think of my Dad and chasing monkeys while you are eating your beautiful food, email Natalie for the recipe... You are welcome!

 

...Today you will be buried with Mom. I have this vision of you sitting in front of a meal she cooked and passionately stating as you used to: "the Queen of England isn't eating as well as I am tonight," ... and oh my G-d I want you to hear Bert Bert Bert.